Tuesday, April 5, 2016

Thankful for the rough

Lately life has been busy. Exhausting, overwhelming, constant stress busy. A baby, a three year old, life, change, finances, relationships, merely existing takes more energy than I sometime have. This is the eye of the storm. I am in the thick of my motherhood journey, and there are days when I am not sure I have what it takes.

Those moments used to break me, but now I find myself reveling in them. Not because I enjoy exhaustion, or am some strange sadistic Cinderella, but because those moments are a reflection of the blessing that have been poured out on us. When our children are both crying, the house is a disaster and I can't remember when I last showered, my husband will smile and remind me how hard I prayed for this.

I begged for the opportunity to build up these little people. God had to break me down and remake me. I had to learn to trust and be humble. I had to have my definition of success be replaced by His. The most important job I have is to raise these children. What an honor, and overwhelming responsibility.

Here, in the thick of it, I have found myself amazed at what trust God must have in us. My patience is short, my wit isn't as quick as it once was, my hair isn't done, I live in yoga pants and my successes are measured in love given and character molded. These two little people will be my greatest mission field. They are my greatest chance to spread the love of God.

In a few days, I will add working back to my mother title. There will be hectic mornings, and adjustment tears. I will struggle to find balance and energy. I am so thankful for the roughness of this time, because it forces me to humbly admit that I can't do it alone. I need Jesus everyday. I need Him to calm my anxious heart, and guard my tongue. I need Him to give me wisdom to discipline with grace and love. I need Him to
guide us as we enter a time of transition.

The small hearts Mothers are entrusted with are the most precious things we will ever hold. Protecting them, breathing love into them, filling them with God's perfect love is the greatest calling I have. I am thankful for the roughness of real love. For the laundry, dishes, tantrums, and cuddles are small stepping stones on our journey towards building a lasting legacy.

My Mother stood in the rough alone, but for the grace of God she may not have been able to love us all as much as she did. My Grandmother stood in the rough, and prayed for us before we were born. I am their legacy, I pray I can show my children the same kind of unconditional love that mirrors the great love of our Savior.