Entitled

We aren't entitled to happiness. God doesn't owe us that. I am not entitled to a happy family life, a good job and all I planned for myself. There are no promises. The Bible doesn't say "what you want will be yours". However, I tend to think this way. I tend to look at God as a genie. If I do this, then you owe me this.

What a foolish and selfish person I am. This attitude has led to countless hours of heartache. Feeling entitled has enabled me to feel jealous, bitter, depressed and angry. It has allowed me to pour hours of my time into uplifting myself and focusing on me. Entitlement is all about me. What I deserve and how I will be happy.

Embracing entitlement enforces the idea that my husband "owes" me, because of all I did for him. It makes it ok for me to check out on my son. I don't have to take the time to check on my friend because I am too tired and "deserve" alone time. I am an ugly person when I go down this road.

I am called to be a servant.  Galatians 5:13 says that we are called to love one another through service. Jesus washed the feet of his disciples to show his love. Jesus never embraced entitlement. He could have, but instead he became humble. As I have struggled with my grief, I have felt God pushing this idea of entitlement to the forefront.

I am working on changing my perspective. On be thankful for what have, willing to serve anyone who comes across my path, and understanding that I am entitled to nothing. God owes me nothing, but I owe Him everything. I am slowly moving into a new head space. He is holding me accountable, and helping me notice and rid myself of this poisonous idea.

I have been put on this earth to serve, and when I embrace the idea that my life isn't about me, but about what I can do for God's glory, my sense of entitlement vanishes. I love my job and my family, but I need to be aware that I am called to serve God even if all of those things disappear. That is terrifying, but it also requires me to learn to be fully dependent on God and his plan. It is rough, but I am slowly getting there.