We have spent the past week deciding whether or not to move forward with a child who was presented to us. This was the first time we have had a child presented to us and I am sure we will go through several more before we find our child. I don't plan on writing about all of them, but the first one seemed important to share. This little person was beautiful, but had had a large amount of trauma in their short life. The trauma they experienced has led to issues that are much larger than we are able to deal with. We decided to say no.
I have faith that we made the right choice, but my heart breaks for this little one. One of my favorite songs is called How He Loves. It speaks about the all encompassing passion of God's love. How we are loved so completely and fully that we don't need anything else. I need to remember that this little is God's and His love is far beyond mine. It helps that even though we can't let this child into our families, we can pray for them. My Mom pointed out that that is most likely why we will encounter the children we do. So that we can remember to faithfully pray that they will be surrounded with God's healing love.
I feel that in the past few months, I have seen many examples of God's healing love at work. Relationships are tough, paticurlary familial relationships. Something about family makes it all more complicated than anything else. I struggle with how to build relationships when I feel that the person has hurt me or insulted me in some way. I also have a hard time with boundaries, how do you set a healthy boundary? A lot of this has to do with being the youngest and just going with the flow. I tend to ignore problems and hope they go away.
How do you know when to ignore the problem and when to bring it up? If you feel that discussing the issue could make the situation worse is it better to try to move on and forgive? What if that person does the same thing again? Will you explode in anger? Will they feel blindsided? The older I get, the more I feel like things need to be brought out into the open. Where truth is spoken, healing begins, but if the person isn't willing to listen is it worth it?
Relationships do not get easier with age. I think they get more complicated. The most difficult relationship I have dealt with has been with my Dad, the most important with Justin. The most fulfilling has been my ongoing relationship with my Savior. Currently I am struggling with how to approach another relationship that has become mired in anger and miscommunication. I want to offer forgiveness and acceptance, but seem to be hitting a wall. I need to give it up to God, but I keep clutching to it. I will keep working on it. This song has been coming up on Pandora a lot lately. I feel like God's still working on me. One small step at a time.