I have spent the past three hours alone and it has been glorious. So glorious that I am concerned. The past 48 hours have been killer. It has been a long hot week at work and I just wasn't on my A game in connecting with students. I realized today that I barely know their names. Justin and I haven't had time alone forever and I don't know when we will get it. Miss Ashley handled her first week of school ok, but yesterday the behaviors we had been warned about started to break through.
She is obsessing on things. Asking the same question over and over again. She will look at a picture or hook onto an idea or event and not let it go. 10,000 questions and a constant need to know everything will follow. While I am cognizant that this is related to her emotional needs, it can get really annoying. She has also started having some extreme mood swings, her moods can change in an instant and they are extreme. Overly happy or overly sad.
I know that this is all part of who she is and that her issues are no larger than average foster kid, and she has also been funny and sweet and adorable, but a week of work has made it hard to be patient. There is a part of me that resents her being here. I want to come home and take my husband to tapas, drink sangria and laugh.
Every couple/family deals with these same issues. I am just tired. I know that change is hard for Ashely, but it is hard for us too. Now what? I just want what is best for this child and for our marriage, but I am tired. Did I mention that I am tired? Mostly, I don't want to have to put more changes in her life.
Her social worker had found a new job, which means she will have a new social worker. This social worker could feel that the sisters need to be together and move her. Just the introduction of new person is going to suck. I know that this is in God's hands, but when you are tired it is hard to hold onto. I am going to spend my last few minutes alone focusing on Jeremiah 29:11 and than I will forge back into the breach.