The past two weeks have involved a lot of goodbye's. Being a teacher makes goodbye inevitable. At some point the year is going to end and your students will move on. It is always a bittersweet time, you are proud of them and excited to see what will happen, but at the same time you are invested and don't want to let go. I would say that this year was harder than the others. I had a lot of kids touch my heart.
This is a great example of how what I think isn't the way things should be, turns out to be the best thing possible. In September, I felt an overwhelming sense of panic at the thought of teaching so many boys. I didn't know how to communicate with boys and their energy was more than I thought I could handle. Fast forward to June, and those same boys have taught me about being a teacher, and even more about being a kind and loving person. My plan would have caused me to miss all of that.
I am reminding myself of that while I pack my room and move to 6th grade, start my admin program and continue to wait on our adoption. My plan is so clear in my mind, but I am letting it go and embracing God's plan, whatever that is. I find it is easier on same days than others, but as a choice it provides me with an assuring peace.
I think about our child all the time, where they are, what they are doing, if they are safe and being treated well. I hope that they feel loved and cared for. I pray that they will love us and want to be a part of family. In my plan, they should be here now. I know they are mine, so why aren't they here?
However, more than my child, they are God's and I am choosing to have faith in his timing. This is hard, even the best foster mother in the world can't love my child as much as I do. How can I trust them to make the right choices? And yet, I don't have a choice. This is all part of the plan. It sounds strange, but God used a bunch of goofy loveable 14 year old boys to show me that if I let him do his thing, the benefits will be beyond my imagination.