Yesterday, we brought Teddy home. After a month of waiting, we were finally able to bring him to his home. It was not in the way we dreamed it would be before June 9th, but it was a relief to have him with us. His urn is small handcrafted tiger wood heart. A gentleman in Salem crafts these beautiful pieces by hand, and I loved when I saw it. It seemed appropriate to for our son to rest in a handcrafted locally sourced art piece. It is a beautiful piece of art.
Holding it yesterday, I realized that this was the first time I had gotten to hold my son. I held it tight in my hands and whispered "I Love You" over and over again. I know that Teddy's earthly remains are all that are in that heart, and that his soul is happily residing with his Maker, but their is now something in our house that is his. He is no longer an abstract idea hidden away. We don't have to wonder what is happening to his body, and hope that is being cared for. He now has place in our home.
This may all seem morbid, and I wouldn't have understood it before it happened, but it brings a high level peace to have him here. I still cried, am crying. However, he is with us. We know where he is, and a huge weight has been lifted from our shoulders. For the first time, I feel like we can begin to move forward.
For the rest of our lives, that small heart will be with us. Reminding us that love is not easy and nothing in life is guaranteed, but that love, faith and hope can bring us through the roughest of storms. I now know a new level of love. We read Corinthians 13 at our wedding, but it has become more clear in the past month. Especially this part: " Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things Love never ends."
In the past month, we have learned to love in a new way. We have learned how to do the above, but we have also been on the receiving end of great love from our friends and family. Love is this hope of light in the darkness of sorrow. I cannot always demonstrate it, but I can always feel it wrapped around me. Protecting me. Love that was proven at the Cross and given freely. I need it every day.