Friday evening we will become the foster parents of a seven year old girl. Ours will be the third foster home that she will have lived in in two years and moving in with us means leaving her older sister behind. She is not currently free, but the state is terminating her parent's rights. She will be adoptable in six months.
Is it possible to be terrified and elated at the same time? In a matter of about three days, we committed to being this child's parents for, worst case scenario six months to a year, best case scenario her life. I spent most of the day in a mild panic. Unsure of how I will handle work, an admin program and motherhood, I have ping ponged through emotions.
She has reading and writing issues and emotional issues stemming from her time with her biological family. What if we can't handle them? What if they are too big for us? What if we fail? ( did anyone read yesterday's post about anxiety attacks? This is what they look like)
I spent some time reading the book of Hosea tonight. The prophet Hosea marries a woman that he knows will cheat him. No matter how awful the things she does are, Hosea always seeks her out and takes her back. Their marriage symbolizes our relationship with God. His unfailing love and constant grace far out way our sinful and selfish nature. In the midst of writing my fears in my prayer journal, God reminded me to pause and listen.
I have prayed for a child in God's plan and in his timing. I have prayed to be a witness of the healing power of Christ's love. I have prayed that we would be used to give love to a child who has not experienced the support of a family. This little girl represents all of those things.
No parent is prepared to handle what their children through at them. No couple knows what type of parents they will be until they are in the thick of it. However, all good parents commit to love their kids no matter what. No caveats, no what if's, no I can'ts. For the time that God places this child with us, we are called to make the same commitment. We can do it, because we have to do it.
This situation would be much scarier if we hadn't had the twins. They taught us that we can love a child, that we can support one another, that we have an amazing support network, that we are capable of being parents. I prayed non stop when the twins were here. It was the only way to truly survive. I am excited to bring this child into our home. She is the perfect age to love Belle and sing songs, play with dolls and take a dance class or play a sport. We will have Halloween and Christmas, we will be a family. Please pray for us and join me in praising God for loving us even when we are selfish and sinful.