Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Pride goes before...

Why is it that just when I write a blog about patience, I am challenged to be patient? And why do I have this wise husband who holds me accountable to being patient? Some days, you just want to scream.  Yesterday was filled with pluses and minuses. Plus, I was officially accepted into PSU's Admin program and am excited to move on towards becoming an administrator. Career wise this is something I really want to do and the extra income will give us a lot of room to think about how we want to live our lives.

On the home front, we met with our social worker yesterday and she let us know that most adoptions are taking closer to two years than one. Part of this is because the state has cut her department in half and part is just the reality of adoption. It was a bit of hit to the gut. I have had my eye on next spring and now it could be the spring after that! This is one of those times when I have blogger's remorse. What was I thinking writing a long blog about the importance of faithfulness and patiently waiting for God's plan? I was an idiot! I don't want to patiently wait for God's plan. I want what I want and I want it now!

That is what I thought for most of yesterday and last night. I was just plain angry with God. How dare he? I have been patient and I deserve to have my desires fulfilled. Isn't that what he promises? As I was stewing in this last night, my husband asked me what my blog had been about? Darn him and his convicting me.  As I was trying to embrace my husband's reminder, good old Jeremiah 29:11 came roaring back into my head "plans to prosper you and not to harm you". This was followed by good old Hebrews 12:1 and "running the race with patience".

Big reminder Lindemann, this isn't about you. It is about your future child and what is best for them. It is about learning to embrace God's plan, even when you don't understand it. It is about living life with a joyful and generous heart no matter what. It is about being the best wife, daughter, sister, friend and teacher I can be.

This journey isn't always easy, but I have far more blessings than I can count.  I will continue to have faith. We are going to do respite care and emergency foster care and I am excited about that. I am choosing to put Jeremiah 29:11 on repeat and keep moving forward in faith.

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